As many of us know, the dynamics surrounding families and their senior members can be quite complex. Oftentimes, disputes arise among family members as to the best course of action regarding the appropriate type of care for an elder member. These issues can be magnified with the introduction of the need for cognitive, rehabilitative, or assisted care from facilities outside the home. In many instances, the senior family member’s wishes can be at odds with their children, grandchildren, in-laws, and even other forms of caregivers. While everyone involved may not always agree with the appropriate course of action, they do need to understand what it should be and what is in the best interest of their elder member.
This topic became even more poignant with the COVID-19 pandemic and the limited access issues families were having with elder family members in outside care facilities such as assisted living and other residential living facilities. Many elder family members were also concerned that if they left the care facility for a period of time to be with their families at home until the Coronavirus situation subsided, that they would be denied access to return to the care facility.
It was actually because of the problems COVID was causing regarding care facilities that we began to think about the larger application pertaining to families and their needs relating to the senior care issue. Even after COVID subsides the issues families and elder family members face regarding their ‘at odds’ objectives for care can still be daunting. While everyone wants what’s best for mom, dad, grandmom, etc., the vast majority of families lack the process abilities to achieve that result. Add in the occasional personality conflict, mix with a little emotional fuel and you have all the necessary ingredients for a very volatile discussion – with no clear resolution about how to help granddad.
Understanding the sensitive nature of elder care as well as the fragile relationships that oftentimes plague family environments, we began to evaluate the resources within our firm to see if we could devise an approach that could heal wounds, expand communication, and bring families together to create a care resolution that would be in the best interest of their elder member. After much thought and work, what we developed and put into motion is called ‘Elder Care Family Facilitation’.
Our role is to help families achieve a resolution regarding the care needs of their elder family member by doing what is in the best interest of that senior member. Through our four-step process, under the guidance of a Meeting Facilitator, we involve all invested, active people who have been or who are participating in caring for the senior family member.
At the heart of the program is the Meeting Facilitator. This is a key component to the success of the effort. The Meeting Facilitator is the person who establishes boundaries and guidelines for all meetings and discussions. They oversee the flow of the process to make certain all necessary materials have been gathered and help keep everyone on track and focused. In sum, it is his or her responsibility to maintain clarity and order throughout the proceedings so a successful, meaningful resolution can be achieved on behalf of the elder family member.
The actual facilitation process begins by gathering all pertinent information such as bank records, tax records, retirement information, medical reports, legal directives, contracts, etc. to create a complete overview of the elder member’s situation. Next, we assemble all invested parties together at our offices to share information, thoughts, concerns, and insights about the elder member and their unique circumstances. Third, we evaluate and collectively discuss all relevant options for care and lastly, we assist the senior family member and invested parties in making the life plans that most benefit the elder family member.
While we have ample room in our offices to accommodate everyone, we also recognize that some or all of this process may need to occur virtually given health concerns or distance between or among family members. In those instances, we are technologically equipped to facilitate all meetings and correspondences.
Through this process our goals are to heal wounds, expand communication, and bring families together to create a care resolution that is in the best interest of their elder member, all while keeping the invested family members informed.
We began our discussion by saying, “While everyone involved may not always agree with the appropriate course of action, they do need to understand what it should be and what is in the best interest of their elder member.” Family members can be one other’s most ardent supporters as well as the fiercest of critics. The stress over how best to care for an elder member of the family can take a tremendous toll on even the most tight-knit families. Those invested in the care of a senior can be dogmatically passionate in their beliefs and opinions which, can severely undermine any attempt to achieve a workable solution regarding care until their emotions are guided into balance with the reality of the situation.
While not everyone may heartily embrace the outcome of the process, they need to acknowledge that the best course of action for mom or dad may not be exactly what they personally would have liked but, that it is exactly what’s best for mom or dad. It is through this harmony that family members achieve assurance that their cherished senior member is getting the best possible result. Using this approach as an unalterable guideline – is what Elder Care Family Facilitation is all about.
